Storytelling

I once had a history teacher that told me my English mark would always suffer and that if i were to pursue a career in business I would face the same issue because of my writing. She cradled her criticism with the reassurance that if I were patient enough to devote energy to spending time in a null state watching a novel build and leak in the heart of my head, I'd be famous. Now I suppose that's how i write. That the ideas do not exist until I have derived that one before from the idea before that and the idea before that, and so on. It gets messy. Often the ideas have no real link until the end which often leaves my fingers sticky and uncomfortable to rest together. It's only then i consider the best way to rest my hands to avoid odd looks from neighbours and to be able to rest naturally. I suppose if the substance is sheer on your hands you have little to worry about, just act like nothings there. I feel that way about acting too, act like nothings waiting to be flushed out of your mouth to support the scene/your character's purpose/the other actors intentions. Rather to pretend, scientifically, your brain sparked a reasoning function of sorts, and with the intention to respond sincerely to the person speaking to you on the set, instantly connected with the nerves in your lips to communicate your thoughts. I don't feel like I'm writing when I'm writing. I feel like my brain is communicating with my hands. And I feel like I'm running. I feel like I'm out of breath. If i run a bit further I'll reach a goal.
It's nice to achieve that. So everything ties together in the end. And I've discovered something new about myself that I perhaps just wasn't really aware of before.
Writing is about discovery. So is reading. How do you intend to grow if what you know you must experience is already planned. It's definitely why I've never been able to write essays, I try to explore too many ideas within one thesis. Growth happens because of the pull of ideas and the circles they spin. The moments that make you speak to yourself aloud inside your head. All call to arms. You can't always get what you want. Each idea is a powerful trigger that leads to the next, much like each milestone in life is a circumstance that helps you deal with the next that will surely follow. Unless you are dead, Wake the fuck up.
take away for today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q85xVaTfdgE&feature=PlayList&p=8701FEDF5CDD4253&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=19

sorry if you don't laugh. you don't really have to pay a dollar. but shit happens some times.
you can't always get what you want.