Peter told me

i lost a lot growing up.
i lost a lot using fuel, using my legs, abusing my hands. touching things i shouldn't have and lingering too long against a surface. a texture. rubbing it every which way. i don't linger there to tease anyone, i promise. i just want to understand it more, i want to feel it and show it i am one of it. sometimes it reads differently. i am not a public person, i am not an opinionated person. i am soft spoken and lonely. angry, jealous, needy, spoiled and have not learned my lesson. because i haven't really been hurt.
i don't let my cuts heal. i don't tend to them one at a time. i'll cut myself in a different place to distract myself from the pain of the first.
i'm too young. i'm far too young. and don't allow myself to feel the sum of my age. i'm trapped at the fist of puberty. i don't know who i should become now. i have not recessed, i just haven't allowed my character to age. i've grown, i've learnt. but i've learnt as a youth. and the youth that is me will criticize and learn, but never fully experience the indulgences and sophistication of an idea as an adult. i'll never be wise to my own thought or speak with whim. repeat matter-o-factly or conquer an idea. hand over advice because i do not feel the seniority too.
i'm trapped inside a world much smaller than the one chartered.
i will always be a boy. and have fun.
i will always stay young and continue to flee.
be ignorant of men, money, and guns
stubborn to impress, love as freely as a bleed.
walk between worlds, weightless from its tons.
naked and unscathed, not knowing i am free.
pouring sweat into a glass, as i've titled my death cup
i want to grow up
i want to grow up

Take Away for Today: When I Grow Up - Fever Ray
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F-CpE73o2M

it scares me. there's something really familiar about it. i just don't know what.