Merlot and Dr. Pepper

So I didn't get a synthesizer.
Bummer, but I went to Steve's today to check out the sales for this generous day that is boxing, day and wasn't surprised. They cost more then Elizabeth's ass.
Maybe I'll just get a keyboard.
But, I got an ipod from the family. I've already lost a few. A pattern is occurring.
Went down to the market, all the best stores were locked. Got into a few, gave up and bought a burrito. The ultimate give-up.
That's been christmas. Mixed with a bit of redundant parties, some 20-some great aunts, and the best sweet potatoes freedom can afford and Christmas is just as glamorous as New York City's'.

Side note, Merlot and Dr. Pepper. Aces.

I was scared, for so long because I felt like that immaculate, uncensored, honest feeling of this season had outgrown me. When you're family doesn't laugh at everything you say because what you say isn't innocent, because they know you aren't oblivious, because they treat you like an adult because you are one. It really is the worst, when the people you thought loved you the most were so gentle and courteous because you were young, you were fragile. You're a young adult now you've basically been to Vietnam, Germany, and Iraq- your treated as a veteran. You know life sucks, they know it too, you mutually fall upon a silent agreement that talking for the sake of talking won't propel any of your conversations. So they ask,

"How's your acting going?"

"Good, really good. Doing the best I can."

"Oh of course, don't forget us when you're famous."

Clever.

And every single one of them means it differently when they say it. So it never dries.

And in the midst of those redundant parties with the great aunts and uncles, and my Merlot and Dr. pepper my little cousin grabs my arm and pulls me into the other room, and tells me to play with her.

"Play what?"

"Play!"

And I knew what she meant. And I told her we were in the jungle and we were hunting for treasure. And we had ballgowns on, and we had puppies, and the treasure would take us to Disney Land. And that lasted a good 30 seconds. Not surprisingly.

So now we're playing house. She's my dog, I'm her lovable owner.

And I'm watching her crawling on the ground and I'm looking out into the other room at the great aunts and uncles and I'm thinking.

They treat her like a princess. I know where she is right now, fuck it's the best feeling in the world when people fuss over you and give you just what you asked for. You get your synthesizer. She's only 6 but she will remember every single Christmas. Because everyone is here, because this is the only time she will get what she wants. She's forever away from having to make choices, having to suck it up and grow up.
And I want to leave her because I'm bored but I can't, because I have to give this to her, I have to let her play. No one else will, and I guarantee she will remember this Christmas for the rest of her life, because I gave her what she wanted. When you're young it's never the gifts you remember or when you're older, miss, but it's just when you're given more love then you will ever feel for the rest of your life. People can't help but love you when they know you don't know better.

That feeling will never leave her.

So I saw her, and I saw that point in my life in Aunt Dorothy's basement, and I surrounded by relatives I didn't know and didn't really care for but who loved me effortlessly. And I felt it all again. I think there's a lot you can let go of. Memories that will always leave you. These ones don't. Don't hunt them down and ring them dry. Just feel the wave when it hits you, for however many seconds that is.

Take away for Today:
Leah Hennessey and Max Lakner
http://babymanque.com/index.html

Suck on THIS Entrepreneurship '09!

There's a lot of immaturity in trying to be mature.



There's an abandoned farm about a 10 minute bike from my house. It's stationed on an old, swervy, no side-walk road across from my high school. By abandoned I intend to mean owned by land relaters hoping to make a new suburban jungle and is visited by one of the later owners family members occasionally. To make sure no one is throwing parties on the property. I've only been there twice but I feel like it's mine. Mine and my friends. It's quiet and precious. And while it's lonely abused atmosphere may make a a good haunted facade, it feels safe. I don't feel like there are dead bodies, lingering spirits or bad imprints. I feel like I need to explore. Do crazy shit. A place to have your first kiss and get felt up. I want to read mark zusack there. play baseball. run through the generous property. It's the cliche of the childhood theme "nothing lasts". I know it will be gone eventually, and i won't be devastated but i will cry. I don't know why yet but i will genuinely be moved by some currently-incomprehensible emotion. It's the loss of a life long dream. The need I've always craved for adventure and danger and discovery.
I feel like the freedom we gain there has a price. Something will happen and we'll pay for being too happy. Happiness is a sin. We lose sight of the immediately pertaining issues and reality when we drown in bliss for those moments. So very few of them. It's where we only speak about dreams, about others, about ourselves like no one can hear us. It's all very selfish and immature, but one can't go on living awaiting the day when the mechanics a line and you're sudden an adult. common sense no longer beneath you. There's a lot of immaturity in trying to be mature. We deny ourselves of experience and learning. The powerful surge of adrenaline in the face of danger. We suppress inspiration if our common sense calls it impossible, unattainable and incomprehensible. What the hell have we created when our children are forgetting to be children? Fear adventure because they may be scolded for improperly using their time? Ignore adventure because it's useless? Life might as well be abandoned. If the worry comes from one's physical and emotional health being at stake then they might as well be dead. We're always under an attack. And it's that prodding that makes us say "EN GARDE!". Forces us to be courageous and innovative. confident and imaginative. It's the fun that we have and the risks we take as kids that dictate the open-minded adults we become. I've seen the people who don't. My business teacher. Bad posture, doesn't look people in the eye, his attempts at hiding his lack of self-confidence makes him look self-absorbed. Clearly watched CBC news and played pong, masturbated to Lisa from weird science and ate white bread and butter sandwiches.

Take away for today: If you can get your hands on it before it leaves the shelves
UK's LOVE magazine sent Starworks’ Greg, their Senior Fashion Editor Francesca Burns, photographer Bruce Weber and designer Alexander Wang around the globe to find extraordinary talent and personalities under 21. Great read. Awesome articles. Cover's no names, to notable bloggers such a julia frakes and tavi, to more celebrity status performers.
http://www.thelovemagazine.co.uk/